PEROGIES - DECONSTRUCTED & DEADLY
||| vegetarian ||| not healthy ||| fucking amazing ||| *Polish clapping* |||
White & Green Onions
Cracked Peppercorns & Salt
14% Sour Cream
You gotta be Ukrainian or Polish to read this far, or really like my vulgarity. Either way, read on and enjoy me making Perogies sound (and taste!) as sexy as Jessica Rabbit.
First, brush your teeth with vodka, to get in the spirit. Literally.
Now make some Perogie Dough:
1 cup of Flour
4 oz. of Butter
3 tbsp of Sour Cream
Cut the butter (not the cheese) into the flour, really push it around like you are smoothing body butter onto the hottest person you know. It's not really the same, and also, don't try to rub flour and butter all over anyone, they will not like it. ...Ok, I would.
Mix in the sour cream, mix well with a wooden spoon. Then hit yourself on the toushie with it. Just for fun.
Put the dough in the fridge while you prep other shit. Not real shit, do your biznazz before cooking and wash your hands!
Scrub Potatoes. Peel potatoes in long strips, and don't throw them out, you wasty-waster. Cut the peeled potatoes, and boil to make mashed potato. Make mashed potato with butter, roasted garlic & cracked pepper (I had roasted garlic made already ahead of time, 'cause I'm smucking fart like that).
In the oven (350°), bake the potato strips, coated in olive oil, salt & pecker.
Hint for a stupid person: ^^^ now's a good time to roast a few heads of garlic.
Caramelize some onions, set aside.
Brown some mushroom slices, set aside.
Back to the Perogie Dough:
I rolled pieces out and cut into squares. I think next time I will just roll out small balls to make round pieces. hehehe ....I said 'small balls' in a recipe.....
Boil the thin dough shapes for a few minutes, and place into a ready, hot, non-stick fry pan with a bit of butter. Fry until both sides are nice and brown.
If that's confusing, here's the Idiot Guide: Roll. Cut. Boil. Fry.
Now you should have mashed potatoes waiting to go, onions & mushrooms waiting, and hot dough squares. No, you're not at a nightclub. Those dough squares are food bits, not roid heads.
In the same pan, quickly fry some Sauerkraut too. A little bit of browning tastes great on it. Just like licking a tanned Brazilian lady. I've never done that....more than twice.
HOLY SHIT. I forgot about the POTATO PEELS!
For real. I did. That's why they are kinda brown in the photo. But ya know what? Even though it took me a good solid 3 minutes to determine what that burning smell was, 'cause the stovetop was off, they turned out super crispy and such a perfect compliment to this dish.
So layer how you would like, or continue to let me boss you around: Fried dough, potato, mushrooms, onion, dough, sauerkraut, more mushrooms, dough...
Top with Sour Cream and elegantly sliced green onions. Seriously, cut them on an angle and you can impress the shit out of a monk, the equivalent of blind-folding him and dropping him in a brothel.
Take a pic. Instagram your mess @kkwasnica