SPICE UP YOUR LIFE PORTUGUESE SOUP w/HOMEMADE EGG NOODLES

||| gluten-free - omit noodles ||| spicy ||| winter-tastic ||| stab-a-stealer |||

Chorizo
Kidney Beans
Potatoes
Pimenta (see KK's Cupboard)
Green Beans
Onions
Water or Stock
Mozzarella
Fresh Parsley
Liquid Smoke
Olive Oil
Butter
Cracked Black Pepper

Homemade Egg Noodles:
1 Cup Flour/2Eggs/Cold Water

In a bowl, put a cup of flour, make a hole in the middle and drop in the eggs, mix with your fingers, breaking up the egg first. Get in there, finger it, stir it. Git it! Add cold water as necessary (you won't need much). When all mixed, turn onto a floured (clean - duh.) countertop and knead for 10 minutes. I'm lazy, I only kneed until my arms get tired. 10 minutes is fuckin' long. It will be a sticky mess (like other things we all think about). Keep the flour handy. Grab the rolling pin, and bash the head of the person watching you. Kidding. I meant to say, roll it out as thin as you can, which is a super-bitch to do. Or you could use a electric pasta thingy (which I don't have and hate all the bourgeois that do). When it's as thin as a supermodel, hang it over a chair, with a clean tea towel underneath.
Now start your soup. Basically, in a larger soup pot, brown your onions, then just start adding everything else. If you want a bit of browning on the chorizo and the potatoes, and the peppers, well, brown them, before adding the stock, beans x2, seasoning, few drops of liquid smoke and lotsa pimenta. Definitely put some parsley in the soup and keep some for fresh on top when serving.

Also, the mozza is for garnishing as well. Don't be an idiot and boil it into the soup. That's a yucky mess (also like some of the things we think about).

Back to the noodles:
Get a pot of water boiling. Grab the rolled out dough and place on a floured countertop. dust both sides with flour. You can roll it and cut into strips, or you can cut it into penis shapes, no matter to me. Maybe you are serving this soup at a porn party, who knows?
Drop in the water to cook (another duuuhh moment). These cook fast. So mind them. They also like to boil over. Fuckers.

When cooked, and the soup is ready, put them in the soup. Serve in a nice bowl, garnish with more pimenta, parsley and mozza and take a fucking picture.
And now... eat it.

Make sure you take a picture to Instagram that shit.
And give me some lovin' on Instagram @kkwasnica.
Or I will hunt you down with my pack of rabid rabbits.

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